Broken
by flephanie
Summary: Nathan comes home from the hospital, and he's never felt more alone. Everything seems to be pilling on top of him. He just wants out (Warning: involves suicide)
1. This Is How A Heart Breaks

**A/N**: Hey this is my first attempt at a One Tree Hill fiction (couldn't getthis story out of my head)so any comments would be great! I'm kind of in the middle of my A-Levels (horrible exams for those who aren't British) so I probably won't be able to update for a while, and for those that read my Charmed stories don't worry I'll update them as soon as my exams finish!

Okay this is set after "Lifetime Pilling Up" oh and ifI get anything wrong, sorry, actually haven't seen the whole episode just clips.

**Warning**: this fiction is kind of dark and involves suicide, okay you've been warned!

**Broken**

Nathan felt sick. He couldn't believe what he had just done; never in all his life had he regretted something so much. Leaning back against the kitchen counter he forced himself to breathe, even though it hurt. His ribs were still bruised from the accident.

He scoffed at that thought, _accident?_

He was standing the kitchen of his apartment, not that it was going to be his apartment for much longer. On returning home from the hospital he had been welcomed with bills and an eviction notice; his rent was late.

He had no way to pay for the apartment, the hospital bill, the electricity, gas. The list was endless. Peyton and Brooke had offered to try and raise the money and although he was grateful he knew that they could never raise enough.

Dan had called little over an hour ago. He didn't even bother with the pleasantries he just got right to it. Nathan cursed himself for letting Dan get to him like that, for manipulating him the way he did. His promise was to pay for everything as long as Nathan did something for him. Nathan had refused but Dan dug into him, blaming him for his mother's addiction, calling him a failure.

Forcing himself to take another breath he tried to keep himself calm but to no avail. God he hated himself to much right now. His life was so messed up and he saw no way to fix it.

He remembered back to the hospital when he had woken up after surgery and realised that what he had thought was 'heaven' was merely just a dream and the disappointment he had felt. Lucas had asked him outright if he had crashed the race car on purpose. There had been so much worry in those eyes he couldn't bring himself to tell him the truth, or even admit it to himself.

Rubbing his temples he tried to push the nausea away but with little success. He hadn't wanted to sign the papers; never would he have wanted that. But Dan knew exactly how to get to him, making him feel so guilty about his mom. After his dream he realised that he did love his mother and the reason she did some of the things she did was because of Dan.

Thinking back to that day on the track, the speed flowing through him. Yet still all that occupied his mind was Haley. As he had sped up he had veered over to the wall, his instincts screamed 'turn left' but his heart differed greatly and he found himself turning the wheel right. The rest seemed like a blur, the car started to spin out of control but Nathan kept his foot firmly on the accelerator. He pictured Haley's face in his mind as the car stuck the wall, then everything had gone black.

He had tried to commit suicide but that wasn't what tore him up, it was the fact that he had tried and failed. And now everything was so much worse. He had told Haley not to come home because he didn't want her to come because she felt sorry for him or felt obliged to. He wanted her to come because _she_ wanted too.

He reached over to the sink and clutched the knife that was sitting there.

She said that she loved him but she had left, she had chosen the music over him. But didn't she feel what he felt? A dull ache in his chest every waking moment, a loneliness even a room full of people couldn't erase. It hurt to talk, to think, to breathe, without her. He missed her so much.

He was shaking as he held the knife in his hand, he was so confused and the pain, he just wanted it to end.

_I love you Haley, more than you'll ever know_, he thought, then he dragged the blade across the skin of his wrist. The pain instantly came as blood began to leak from the wound. Dropping the blade he stumbled backwards.

Sliding to the floor he leaned back against the island counter. Closing his eyes, he let the pain surround him, take control as his blood slowly seeped out him and pool on the floor.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Lucas plodded up the stairs to Nathan's apartment. After the car accident he barely let his brother out of his sight. He was really worried about him, mostly because he wasn't sure if that day at the track had been an 'accident'. He wanted to believe it was but he had asked Nathan straight out in the hospital, he hadn't got a verbal answer but the look in Nathan's eyes when he had said, "You're asking me if I did this on purpose?" told him otherwise. Now in his weakened state he had fallen prey to more of Dan's mind games.

Lucas knocked the door but when he received no reply he took out his own key and let himself in.

The place was a mess, as usual.

"Nate?" he called as he shut the door behind him.

Glancing around he noticed the bloody knife by the sink, and he felt his stomach drop. Something wasn't right. Rushing over to the sink, he rounded the island counter and found what he was looking for.

Nathan was slumped up against the counter, deathly pale and covered in blood.

"Oh god!" escaped Lucas' lips, he faltered for a second then sprang into action, grasping for a nearby kitchen towel he wrapped it around his brothers wrist were blood was flowing freely and applied pressure.

Opening his eyes a fraction, Nathan croaked out a weak, "Luke?"

"Yeah I'm here," Lucas replied as he pulled his cell out of his pocket with his other hand, dialling the number as quickly as he could.

"I need an ambulance immediately," he demanded, tightening his hand on the towel around his brother's wrist, that was quickly turning red.

Nathan looked up at Lucas. It was funny how quickly they had grown close; little over a year ago they had hated each others guts but now. Now they were actually brothers, and since Haley had left, Nathan felt like Lucas was the only person that really understood him.

"My brother slit his wrist…Yeah I have pressure on it….right ok….how long will it be?...right, thank you."

Hanging up Lucas tossed the phone aside. He sat down beside Nathan, moving so Nathan was leaning against him. Taking his arm he held it above his heart to slow the bleeding as much as possible.

"Why?" he asked trying to understand Nathan's reasons for doing something like this.

"I just wanted the pain to stop," he whispered. "So much pain." He leaned his head back on Lucas' shoulder.

Now there was no doubt in his mind that Nathan had driven into that wall on purpose and once again Lucas feared for his brothers' life and now his sanity.

"He made me sign…I didn't want to…but mom….I love her…I didn't want to sign….but he…" Nathan rambled.

"Signed what?"

"Annulment," he whispered as his eyes fluttered closed again.

"Oh Nate," Lucas said, anger sparked through him towards Dan, how could he have done this to his own son? Fear was also there, he had almost lost his brother and now it was happening again.

"Nathan, you have to stay with me," he pleaded as tears burned at the back of his eyes. "Don't give up on me ok?"

"It hurts so much."

"Please Nate, don't leave me," he begged. "I need you little brother."

A sudden knocking on the door made Lucas jump.

"It's open," he yelled from were he was sitting.

Two paramedics made their way into the apartment, carrying a stretcher with them.

"What happened?" one asked as he kneeled down beside them.

"I just got here and found him like this," he confessed as the paramedics took Nathan from him, lying him down on the stretcher.

Glancing at the pool of blood that was on the kitchen floor and all over the brothers he said to his partner. "He's going to need a blood transfusion straight away," the other nodded and together they carried Nathan downstairs with Lucas trailing behind them.

Loading him into the back of the ambulance Lucas felt people staring at him, they were stopping in the street and staring out their windows, but he didn't care. He wiped some of the blood off his hands onto his already bloodied t-shirt and followed the paramedic into the back of the ambulance.

"Luke?" Nathan whispered, as the ambulance sped away, sirens blaring.

"I'm here," he replied. "Don't worry I'm always here."

………………………………………………………………………………………

Sitting in front of her keyboard, Haley was trying her best to practice but her mind was elsewhere. One question kept circling around her head. _He doesn't want me?_

She was still really worried about him and really needed to see him but he had told not to go home. She was so confused; she didn't know what to do.

She was completely lost in thought that she didn't even notice the man walking up to her.

"Haley?"

Glancing up she was quickly brought back to earth.

"Mr Scott?" she stammered in shock. Never in a million years had she expected to see him.

"Yes, I thought that since you're becoming such a big star that I'd come and get your autograph," he replied in his usual cold tone as he handed the papers over to her. "It's over Haley."

She could do nothing but stare. He had handed over annulment papers, but that wasn't what shocked her the most, it was the fact that they were annulment papers with Nathan's signature on them.

"No," she whispered as she took a few steps backwards and let the papers float to the floor.

"Give it up Haley," he said as he reached for the fallen item. "You can't honestly say you didn't expect this after what you did?"

Shaking her head she mumbled "No," again. She couldn't believe it; Nathan wanted to end their marriage.

"Just sign it and I'll be on my way," Dan stated as he waved the papers at Haley.

Working up a little more nerve she declared in a much stronger voice. "I won't sign!"

Before Dan could reply they were interrupted by a shrill ringing. Haley took her phone out of her pocket; the screen read 'Peyton'. Ignoring Dan she hit the answer button.

"Hello?" she asked, after a pause a look of utter shock crossed her face she replied. "What? No, he wouldn't do that…Yes of course, I'm on my way."

Hanging up she remained frozen to the spot, all the colour had drained from her face.

"What's wrong?" Dan asked wondering what had happened to shake Haley this must.

"Nathan," she stammered. "He's in hospital."

"Again?"

Looking him dead in the eye she whispered. "He slit his wrists."

"What?" He blurted. No this couldn't be right; someone must have got it wrong.

Haley wiped a stray tear from her cheek and marched towards the door, calling over her shoulder. "You coming?"

Slowly nodding he followed his daughter-in-law out.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

The journey was a silent one. Dan had asked exactly what Peyton had said on the phone, Haley had begun to tell him but Deb had rung mid-explanation in hysterics. Silence had fallen after that. Three hours had passed by the time they arrived back in Tree Hill.

Haley had never felt guiltier in her life. Nathan had tried to kill himself and it was her fault. He had told her not to come home and she had listened to him instead of realising that it was his defence mechanism kicking in. She had obeyed his request, even thought she knew deep down he needed her.

When they arrived at the hospital they found an even more hysterical Deb and a worried looking Peyton and Brooke, but there was no sign of Lucas.

"What happened?" Haley asked her friends.

"We came as soon as Lucas rang," Brooke explained. "He found him in his apartment and he had cut his left wrist."

"But he's going to be ok, right?" She asked as she tried to keep herself together and not fall apart.

"He's lost a lot of blood but they are very hopefully that he'll pull through," Peyton answered this time.

Both girls were still a little mad at Haley for leaving the way she did, not even saying goodbye, but this wasn't the time and they knew it.

Trying to keep her mind focused she asked. "Where's Lucas?"

"Pacing the hallway," Brooke replied with a heavy sigh. She was worried about him too.

Haley smiled her thanks and went in search of her best friend, but when she found him she didn't get the warm welcome she had expected.

Lucas was walking up and down the hallway outside Nathan's room, still covered in his brother's blood. When he saw Haley he stopped in his tracks.

"What are you doing here?" his tone accusing.

She was stung by his reaction to her presence but when she laid eyes on him she had to force herself to breathe. _God there's so much blood_, she thought as she stared at Lucas.

Finding her voice she replied. "Peyton called and I came straight here."

"Why? He told you not to come," he stated, his voice so cold.

"Why are you mad at me?" she asked, not entirely sure that she wanted an answer to that question.

"Why do think Haley?" he yelled at her. "You're the reason he's here. Nathan nearly died, _twice_!"

"Twice," she mumbled.

"Yeah the car accident wasn't an _accident_," he bellowed.

Haley let out a small sob as Lucas tore her down

"You walked out on him," he shouted. "Do you have _any_ idea much you hurt him? How much he loves you? You left and he had nothing left to live for! He tried to kill himself, because of _you_!"

That last sentence pushed Haley over the edge. She couldn't hold it together any more and she broke down into tears.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed.

The anger drained out of him as he saw his best friend dissolve into tears. He was so scared, what if Nathan survived and tried again? Would he ever he ok again? And Dan, if he got his hands on Dan he would kill him; he had made Nathan sign those papers.

"Hales I'm sorry," he said as he wrapped his arms around her.

"What have I done?" she asked as she cried into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he apologised. "I'm just so worried about Nate and I took it out on you."

Looking up at him she asked. "Luke, how did I mess things up so bad?"

He wiped away a few of her tears before answering. "We'll get through it, we always do."

She wasn't sure if she believed him, as she continued to cry into his shoulder.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Okay that's as far as my inspiration took me, not really sure where I should go next with this, so I'm open to suggestions! $


	2. The Way We Get By

**A/N: **In true One Tree Hill style I have called each chapter after a song. I'm a huge Naley fan but Haley really hurt Nathan so it's gonna take a lot of work to fix, if ever. I thought the last chapter kind of revolved around Nathan, Lucas and Haley, so I put a bit more Peyton and Brooke in this one, hope you like!

i heart One Tree Hill (Thanks for your kind review, hope you enjoy this chapter too!)

Nate and Jake (Glad you liked it, thanks for reviewing!)

Anna (Thanks for your suggestions, don't worry I'm a huge Naley fan, but that don't mean the road ain't gonna be bumpy, lol!)

karmabellexx (yay someone else how's a sucker for the brotherly love stuff, I love those guys and their interaction, hence whyI have loads in my story!)

Lexical (yay you like my angst, so gladI got it right, it's can be really hard to get right sometimes, anway sorry got off track there, thanks for you suggestions hope this has enough tragedy for you!)

unfolddream (Thanks for reviewing, hope you enjoy this one too!)

DuCksRVeRykOoL (yay you like it, hope this one is good too, thanks for reviewing!)

And on with the story...

**Broken Chapter 2 – The Way We Get By**

He looked so helpless and vulnerable, two things she rarely saw in him. Haley was standing at the door staring through the glass window. Every fibre of her wanted to run away somewhere, away from the pain, away from the guilt. But this wasn't about her, Nathan had nearly died and it was all her fault. But she still couldn't bring herself to go through the door, so there she stood.

He was so pale, just lying there, fast asleep. She wished she could just go in there, hug him and tell him everything was going to be alright. But how could it? Nathan had tried to end his life, you couldn't just kiss and make up and pretend that it never happened.

_What have I done? _She asked herself as she choked back more tears. He was lying there on that hospital bed because of her.

"You can go inside, you know," Lucas said from behind her.

Lightly shaking her head, her fear began to win control of her. "I can't do this," she whispered as she pushed past him and ran down the hall.

"Haley?" he called as he took off after her.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Peyton sat in silence in the uncomfortable plastic chair in the waiting room. She felt like she was numb to everything. God she wished she could go back to when things were normal, but then she thought, _when were things ever normal?_

She was still in shock that Nathan would do something like this. She knew that he loved Haley, but she never realised how much in love with her, he was. And Jake; she couldn't stop worrying about him as well.

"Hey goldilocks," Brooke asked nudging her. "You want some coffee?"

"No, I'm ok, thanks," she replied as Brooke walked over to the machine.

Shifting in the chair she stared at the far wall. That's when she noticed Haley running through the waiting room and heading towards the door. Knowing she could probably use a friend right now she followed her out.

Peyton found her slumped on the ground near the door.

"Haley?" she said as she sat down beside her.

Turning her tear streaked face to Peyton, she tried to say something but instead all that came out was a sob.

"It's ok," Peyton said as she hugged Haley.

After a few minutes Haley managed to pull herself together, enough to speak anyway.

"I'm sorry," she apologised as she wiped away some of her tears.

"Don't be," Peyton told her.

"God, how did things get so messed up?" she asked, not really expecting an answer.

Peyton almost smiled at that. "Hey, it's Tree Hill. What else would you expect?"

A glimmer of a smile crossed Haley's face but was gone so quickly, Peyton couldn't be sure she didn't imagine it. She didn't know what to say to make Haley feel better; talking in these kinds of situations was never really her strong point. Now brooding, well she had that down to an art.

"Do you hate me?" Haley asked suddenly.

"Of course not, why would you think that?" Peyton asked, shocked by the question.

"Because I left without even saying goodbye. Because I didn't call. Because I nearly killed Nathan…"

"Haley, you didn't nearly kill Nathan," she told her friend.

"Yes I did," Haley said refusing to look at Peyton. "I left him behind when I went searching for my dream. When he came to see me, I was so surprised to see him I said some things I didn't really mean. I told him that our marriage might have been a mistake, that we might have taken things too fast."

Haley took a deep breath and forced herself to continue, she had to get this out. "I love him so much, but we're only seventeen and then with the tour. I just got so wrapped up in the moment and didn't really look at what I was doing, to you, Lucas, everyone and I didn't understand what I was doing to Nathan."

"Haley…" Peyton began but Haley cut her off.

"After the car crash he told me not to come home and I didn't. He needed me and I wasn't there. But the one thing I don't understand is why he would do something like this? It's not like him," she said, her eyes asking Peyton whether she knew. After all Peyton knew him better when he was in his self-destruct mode, since she had been dating him at the time.

"It's not your fault," Peyton told her. "We should have seen this coming, with the way he's been acting since you've been gone. He's been drinking a lot, getting into fights, even got himself arrested. But I thought Lucas was getting through to him, plus I was a bit sidetracked with all the stuff that's been going on with Jake."

"Jake?" Haley asked wondering how much she had missed.

"Long story."

Haley nodded. Letting this knew information wash over her. When Lucas had called her, he had told how worried about Nathan he was, but he hadn't said anything specific. If she had known, would things have been different?

"How do I fix this?" she pleaded.

"I really don't know," Peyton replied honestly. "But you have to talk to Nathan. You're the only one that can get through to him, you're the only one that can save him."

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

"Haley?" Lucas called as he nearly ran straight into Brooke.

"Whoa," Brooke gasped still gripping onto the coffee cup, somehow she managed not to spill it everywhere.

"Sorry," he said. "Have you seen Haley?"

"Yeah, Peyton went after her," she told him.

Lucas was about to walk away when Brooke placed her free hand on his arm.

"How you holding up?"

Sighing he let Brooke lead him over to a chair. "I'm not really sure," he replied honestly.

She gave him a small smile. "I know what you mean. I don't know how I am so calm right now."

"I feel like I'm in a dream that I can't wake up from, because this can't be real," Lucas said as he put his head in his hands.

Setting the unwanted coffee aside Brooke pulled him into a hug.

"Thank god, you got there when you did," she whispered.

Pulling back Lucas looked at her, his pain showing in his eyes.

"But what if I hadn't?"

"But you did, Lucas you can't think like that."

"And what's to stop him trying again?" he asked. "I can't lose him, not like this."

Brooke felt her calm demeanour start to crack, unsure of what to say, she said the only thing she could. "You won't!"

_I hope she's right,_ he thought to himself.

"Lucas?" a voice asked jerking him out of his thoughts. Looking up he found himself staring at his father.

The pain was quickly replaced with anger. "What are you doing here?" he spat.

"How is he?" Dan asked, slightly confused at Lucas' reaction.

"Why do you care?" Lucas shot at him as he rose to his feet.

"He's my son, of course I care."

"You have a great way of showing it, especially after what you did!"

Raising an eyebrow, Dan inquired. "What did I do?"

"Son of a bitch," Lucas cried as he swung a punch that firmly connected with Dan's jaw.

Recoiling in surprise Dan just narrowly avoided Lucas' next attack.

"Lucas, no," Brooke shouted as she shot up from her seat and planted herself between the two, pushing Lucas back a few steps.

"What was that for?" Dan demanded as he wiped the blood from his lip away.

"Don't act like you don't know," Lucas warned. "You made him sign those papers."

"That was for his own good," Dan replied.

"His own good?" Lucas almost laughed. "How is his making him sign those damn papers for his own good? He just tried to kill himself!"

"What?" Dan asked, failing to see the connection.

"When I found him, bleeding on the kitchen floor," Lucas told him harshly. "He was mumbling over and over again, about 'how he made me sign.'"

Dan stood there frozen, not sure what to think, what to say, what to do. Was this really his fault?

"You did this to him!" Lucas shouted at him, as he tried to move around Brooke but she refused to budge.

"Luke, you have to calm down," she pleaded with him, pushing him back a few more steps.

"Calm down?" he asked outraged.

"_Yes_. You need to calm down," she told him firmly as she grabbed his arm and dragged him away from the still stunned Dan.

"Brooke," Lucas began to argue.

"No, you have to listen to me, ok," she said as she continued to pull him down the hall. "Yelling and getting angry isn't going to help."

Finally giving in, he stopped resisting and let Brooke drag him away. Once she decided she had put enough distance between the two, she stopped. They were now in a large hallway, not far from Nathan's room.

Lucas leant against the wall, sliding down until he was sitting on the floor.

Brooke joined him on him on the cold tile floor, letting a shiver pass over her. After what felt like hours of silence she softly said to him. "Talk to me."

"I'm so lost," he told her, the pain evident in his voice. "My baby brother is hurting and I don't know how to help him."

"I wish I could help, but I don't know what to do either," she confessed.

Looking down at his bloodstained t-shirt he whispered. "I have never been so scared."

Trying to hold in her tears Brooke took Lucas' hand in hers. She didn't have the words but knew that right now all he needed was her support.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

"I don't know if I can face him," Haley admitted to Peyton as they sat on the ground outside the hospital doors.

"You have to at least try," Peyton reasoned.

"I…" she began but stopped as more tears slid down her cheeks.

"Come on, let's go see him," Peyton suggested but she recieved no reply from Haley.

Peyton saw the signs gradually appearing; Haley was pale, her body was shaking and she was slowly slipping into shock. Peyton knew that she had to do something, soon.

"Haley, I know that you're hurting right now but Nathan nearly died. You can't runaway this time and hope things will get better. You have to pull yourself together, because he needs you. You have to do something," she argued knowing that she was being very blunt and her words were harsh but she couldn't think of any other way to snap Haley back to reality. "You have to be strong for him, do you think you can do that?"

Haley remained silent as she stared off into the night sky. Peyton moved around so that she was kneeling right in front of Haley, taking her by the shoulders she gently shuck her.

"Haley James Scott," she shouted at her. This gave the desired effect when Haley's eyes seemed to focus once again. "You love him right?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Then fight for him," she told her.

Haley let out another sob but Peyton continued. "You're stronger than this, I know you are. Nathan needs you right now, all you have to do is be there."

Wiping away the last of her tears she nodded slowly. Peyton was right, she may be in pain but it paled in comparison as to what Nathan was going through. In the last few months, with the music, Haley had been putting herself first, now it was time to put Nathan first.

"I can do that," she said softly as she allowed Peyton to pull her to her feet.

"That's my girl," Peyton said as she slung her arm around Haley's shoulders and guided her friend back into the hospital.

Her fear slowly began to build up again as they reached his room. Looking through the glass she could see her husband lying there as vital blood was given to him by a drip.

Turning back to Peyton she asked. "But what do I say?"

"Just listen to your heart," she replied giving Haley a little push towards the door.

She took a deep breath, pushing her fears aside as much as she could as she reached for the door handle.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

I know it's kind of evil to leave it there but I'm not entirely sure how I want the meeting between Haley and Nathan to go yet. Although i have a vague idea of where I'm taking the story now your comments and suggestions would be a big help! Not sure when the next update will be cause of my exams but I'll try, oh this would have been up a few days ago but it wouldn't let me log in! Anyway hope you enjoyed and please review and tell me what you think, good or bad I really wanna know! $


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